Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. 3. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! A Soldier and a Marine were sitting next to each other on a plane. Dont think so? The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Once at the club, I drove up to the entrance, where the doorman promptly came to the passenger door and assisted my wife out of the car. Thanks.. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. There was one particular sergeant that worried about everything possible. But before I could get out, he pointed to the other end of the building and said, The band entrance is that way. Gordon Van Otteren. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the During that first roll call in the Army, I waited in dread as the sergeant got to my name: DiFeliciantonio. Navy and CG Say HOOOOOYAH! Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. "OK Suzy" said the teacher, "please tell the class your. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. OHH OHOH! He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. The U.S. Navy uses the stars to navigate. "He who is first will soon be last, and now I know what he means," King said, referencing a lyric from Bob Dylan as he reflected on what the race . 4. A lieutenant stood up and asked, Is that 24 hours our time or 24 hours their time?. Whats the difference between a fighter pilot and a fighter jet? August 15, 2021. Killed bin Laden. Why did the optometrist set his clock to military time? A military private saying I learned this in boot camp Instructed a private in the mess hall to look for left-handed spatulas Me: No, I dont. Caller: OK. Aeronautical Humor. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? The local band hired to greet them was playing a popular hit of the time, I Wonder Whos Kissing Her Now.. ", The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Youre the only one I can think of she wont be able to drink under the table.. 16. However, one day he came into the room whistling with a smile on his face. 13. What do you call a military officer who goes to the bathroom a lot? In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. When our drill instructor demanded an explanation, the man bellowed, This recruit has proved himself worthless and weak and is being mailed home to his mother!. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. What do hungry Marines eat? Ramrod straight, each would respond, Marine Air Group 36, sir or Second Marine Division, General. Then there was one young private. A military base commander called to complain that the weather-forecasting software our company created for them kept reporting unexplainable wind shifts. A military warrant officer saying Okay now watch this shit. Caller: Is Sgt. If at least ONE military joke below doesnt make you giggle, well, wed be concerned. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. The Blonde Fighter Pilot Dear Veterans, You rock more than AC/DC or Metallica or Red Hot Chili Peppers. This poor old fool, thought the Navy officer, so he invited the old man inside to buy him a drink. No copyright required, as all content is freely available on 1,000s of websites. Why doesnt the Army team have ice on the sidelines during football games? I would stay behind and neatly print each soldiers name onto his Army-issued underwear. You divertyour course! The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. I dont see it.. Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. 3) The pen used by the military meets 16 pages of military specs. There was bound to be trouble, and I was right, because suddenly, he fell silenteyebrows arched, brain overloaded. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. (Hang up. ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. Our instructor approached the directionally challenged Marine and stomped on his left foot. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Thanks. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. 4th of July 2022: Celebrating the Birth of Our Nation & Its Heroes, Military Appreciation Month 2022: Saluting Those Who Serve, Veterans Day 2022: Celebrating Those Whove Served. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. Soldier: No, SIR!. Im 81 years old, he answered. Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? USN: Helos Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. After an hour-long wait, it finally took off. Some of the jokes on this list I first read and on their websites. Now, lets try it again! Want some really over-the-top, cheesy jokes about the military? The Marine took off his boots and began to stretch out. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. Of course, he responded. Did you hear about the big accident on base? In college, my freshman-year roommate was in ROTC and came from a long line of military men. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". Our bases Army Exchange Service carried a particular brand of underarm deodorant that I liked and bought for years. If I don't ride that helicopter, I might never get another chance", To this, Warren replied, "Joy that helicopter is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", The pilot overheard the couple and said, "Folks I'll make you a deal. Marine: Wait, stop. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from his sister. 45. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). After everyone had made it through the chow line, he sat them down and told them There are three rules in this mess hall- Shut up! An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. What does ARMY mean to you? Marine Approved is a participant in the Amazon Services LLC Associate Program. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. They throw out a pistol. In his free time, he enjoys hunting, hiking, running, shooting guns, and reviewing gear. What do hungry Marines eat? Passenger Cargo that talks or Self-loading freight, 58. How tough? The main job of the military is to provide the country's citizens absolute protection from both internal and external attacks. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Takeoffs are optional. In this great little clip, an SR-71 pilot tells a story about flying around the Western United States to build up crew hours when small plane pilots started calling into air traffic control to ask . At least SEVEN Cs! It was sheer brilliance. 8.3.4 Modern aviation history. Why Do We Celebrate It? Sergeant, he said, what if we dont have any initials? Matthew Nazarian. One day an airman, an Army soldier, and a Marine were talking about the hardships they faced during their last deployment. March forth! Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: Army territory Age: 57 Posts: 26 Likes: 0 Received 0 Likes on 0 Posts Good RAF Army Banter/Jokes As a new poster, I hope you can help me. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. One day you will walk out to your aircraft NOT KNOWING that it is your last flight. 44. In large gold letters was printed: TRASH. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a very close shave. Tell these quips to a friend in the service to give them a good chuckle. This happened several times times throughout the flight. In-flight Snacks Little treats sealed in a bag that can only be opened by using a chainsaw. with someone braver than you.'. The Marine said Are you crazy? The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, When the the Marine came back the Soldier nodded and thanked him for the drink, very pleased he pulled one over on the Marine. Ask the Marines to secure a building and they will charge in, kill everybody inside, and then set up defenses to make sure nobody gets in. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. After a very heavy landing in Halifax, the Flight Attendant announced; Ladies and Gentlemen, please remain in your seats until Captain Crash and the Crew have brought the aircraft to a screeching halt against the gate. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. I was awakened late one night by a phone call from nearby Fort Meade, in Maryland. You had tents?, A drill sergeant yells at his young trainee, I didnt see you at camouflage training this morning, private!, The private replies, Well, thank you very much, sir., A general gets stuck in his Jeep on the side of the road. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him umpteen times, Stop telling people Im in the Army! It finally seemed to hit home because on the admittance form for kindergarten, under fathers profession, the teacher wrote, He doesnt know what his father does, but hes not in the Army.. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner in our tent broke and it was 110 outside! I enjoyed the humor section quite a bit. As the general inspected our troops, he asked some of the Marines which outfit they were serving with. A military captain saying I was just thinking He holds the bulb and then the world revolves around him to screw it in. Unfortunately for him, our lecturer caught him. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. An engineer was crossing a road one day, when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess" He bent over, picked up the frog, and put it in his pocket. 43. I was in the bathroom brushing my teeth when my squad leader barged in. In-dough-structible You can always leave the joke in a funny mug, or a pilot mug if the person is into aviation. What would As A.J. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. A LOOtenant! A young pilot in a Fighter Jet was flying escort for a B-52 Bomber and generally being a nuisance, acting like a big hotshot, flying loops around the lumbering old bomber. Now, he said, when I say left, its the one that hurts.. While on maneuvers in the Mojave Desert, our convoy got lost, forcing our lieutenant to radio for help. Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. StrategyPage's Military Jokes and Military Humor. 1. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. It took the poor guy all day. Proceed at your own risk. Pilots 5. After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. Unfortunately, none of them are on this flight!, 21. !" Marine: "Wait, stop. 2023 The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers on this website. Individual use is by implied consent. Why does the military only allow dress shirts during ceremonies and events? Why do flight attendants make great astronauts? Eternal Piece Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. 4. Discover a funny military joke about the U.S. Army with this list. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Rodrigues there? 30. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. I heard this one from my basic training company commander. Attention! Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Looking for military boot camp jokes? Evidently, one of my classmates found the talk less than stimulating and fell asleep. One day you will walk out to your aircraft KNOWING that it is your last flight. Gary Toohard. 46. Whats the difference between God and a fighter pilot? Unfortunately, the sun was shining through a porthole right onto his face. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. Sometimes I think war is Gods way of teaching us geography. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. A: The jet engine stops whining when the plane shuts down. A friend paid my mother a visit. Do not attempt to shave with fire. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. Between all the service branches there is a friendly rivalry that will always create jokes among the various branches. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. We were a tough group. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Grandpapa Johns Pizza. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. How different military branches use the stars: The U.S. Army sleeps beneath the stars. Only one. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. It took the poor guy all day. Eat up! One of the reasons the Air Force, Army, Navy, and Marines bicker so much is because they dont speak the same language. Sometime later, when the examination was over, he was helped out of the machine by a far older woman. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. You had tents?, USAF: Birds Ocean Pearl, I answered. A military aircraft had gear problems on landing, and as the plane was skidding down the tarmac the tower controller asked if they needed assistance. Because hes a captain in the Air Force. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. 18. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. P | Test flight OK, except autoland very rough. Attention! Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. Caller: Do you have his right number? During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. Collecting our many suitcases, the ten of us entered the cramped customs area. My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Last year we shot six and the pilot let us put them all on board. The c.i.a. What do you call a deer thats enlisted in the Air Force? Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. Did You Hear About The Accident at the Army Base? We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. What has a nose and flies, but can't smell? When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Halt! shouted our drill instructor. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a paring knife, I could peel these potatoes faster. The cook turned slowly to my father and said, Son, youre in the Army. Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. While serving as chief medical officer at Fort Ritchie in Maryland, I attended a nearby wedding. Corporal Wabo is a former Infantry Squad Leader with 3rd Bn 4th Marines that specialized in Mortars. Dad got quiet. Two hunters got a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. They are the ones protecting us at all times from external threats. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Since my father had served in the Philippines during the war, I chose him. The average age of people living in our military retirement community is 85. Heres what they came up with: 2. Why, certainly, young man, he said, as he reached under his desk and handed me a large pair of bolt cutters. Problems reported by Pilots and Solutions noted by Aircraft Engineers in aircraft Technical Logs. Filed Under: Lifestyle, Veteran Life Tagged With: funny, humor, jokes, military jokes. While waiting every one will come by multiple times except yours, 62. For example, heres what happens when each of them is told to secure a building. If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. We were a tough group. The Arena Media Brands, LLC and respective content providers to this website may receive compensation for some links to products and services on this website. San JoseTower: "Flight 751 heavy, turn right at the end if able. Anytime someone asked what his father did, hed say, Hes in the Army. I told him Never fly in the same cockpit with someone braver than you. 2) American combat dolphins, deployed in the Persian Gulf, surrounded and captured an Iranian battleship. He is the Founder and . What happened when a soldier went into an enemy bar? My friend stopped, turned around, and glared at the airman. 42. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. If you stop to ask Why, you will be talking to yourself, 8. Its not weak, he replied. My grandpa Bob was in the Navy. Fish Food. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. Sent a recruit to medical-supplies office in search of fallopian tubes He thought he would be home about 13:30. Son, you are going to have to make up your mind about growing up and becoming a pilot. Funny military jokes are a great way to bring some morale to our service people, so whip out a few of these military jokes at your next gathering of family or friends to get some guaranteed laughs. An officer asked if I knew what it meant. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. and check out military jokes from other Vets, troops, and military support personnel! We are no longer supporting IE (Internet Explorer) as we strive to provide site experiences for browsers that support new web standards and security practices. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Some are jokes that only the U.S. Air Force can understand while others are jokes made about those who are USAF members. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? In the ongoing battle between objects made of aluminium going hundreds of miles per hour and the ground going zero miles per hour, the ground has yet to lose. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. What do you call a training sergeant whos very kind and respectful? The military has a long, proud tradition of pranking recruits. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. He needed COVER! If you're going to leave anything, please make sure it's something we'd like to have, 16. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. It is the law; and it's not subject to repeal. Aviation JOKES. 12. "Throw out more!" shouts the pilot. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? If a baby joined the Army, where would they belong? We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. S | Engine found on right wing after brief search. They cant seem to string three Ws together. 'There are bold pilots, and old pilots, but very few old bold pilots.' - 1930s Army Air Corps Sign. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands.
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