But I just wanted to let you know that there are at least two people in the world who definitively do not agree with your husband. Im going to second the suggestion of marriage counseling, but I think your husband sounds controlling and unreasonable. I only left the conference hotel a couple of times, always with a group, and we were in the touristy area right next to the Gaslamp district anyway. You can add it up to four. If your husband is really giving you a choice between staying married to him and going on a business trip, the answer may be difficult to face, but hes giving you a clear choice: You can live your life on his terms, with the threat of divorce hanging over your head if you participate in public and professional life in a way that displeases him, or live your life on your terms. How would it feel if you lost your job or got demoted because you stopped travelling due to his shenanigans? This is also what I pictured especially if he freaks out like this regularly-ish (every time she has a trip its a big ongoing issue for a chunk of time), his friends might have just learned to ride out the rant with general affirmative noises. it says they WOULD even let their significant others go, not wouldnt! I went to Vegas for several scientific conferences back in the day, and I thought it was a weird idea until the first time I actually went. I'm lucky that she slept for most of the trip, but you can't assume that a 3 month old will sleep for 14 hours. update: is my future manager a bigoted jerk? We specifically took any kind of obey language out of our vows. I dont think thats something you really need to dive into OP (since thats not the real issue here), but I thought Id mention it to say that youre not the one thats offbase here. I deal with these irrational fears with a sort of ritual where I always leave people I love on a positive note and let them know how much I love them, since the thought is always running through my head that I may never see them again. Whats real is my wife is going for a walk in a safe area, shes smart and wouldnt put herself in danger, and the chances of anything happening to her are incredibly low. should I be so emotionally drained by managing? Marketing aside, Vegas is just a metropolitan center, and you dont look lose your morals the second you step off the plane. The husband may need counselling to discover why he willing to sabotage the family bread winner. Most of the shows arent appealing, either, and theyre almost all too expensive. (Im in counseling FWIW, he wont go.) I dont let him go on trips because we dont manage each others lives like that, but I do support his career and any travel that entails even if its stressful for me. Heres to many years of not feeling needless guilt. My company sent managers to Las Vegas last February for a corporate business trip for three days. I think that couples counseling is the best place to start, no matter what the underlying problem is, because its a relationship problem that hes laying on her. Either he socializes with very retrograde people, or hes snowing you when he tells you that hes enjoying full-throated unquestioning support of his attempt to stifle your career. Thats what tips me toward the prospect that your husband is on the controlling end of the spectrum and not the real bad anxiety end of the spectrum. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. Cuz he was awesome.). Anxiety is also a real possibility and I hate how offhandedly its been dismissed in most comments. I hope that isnt what this turns out to be, but whatever it is, its not good. I agree with Allison I think marriage counseling may be a good think to look into. It is okay for you to make normal daily choices even if your husband feels anxious about them. I also dont think cultural relativity is relevant when OP is clearly uncomfortable with his behaviour. I wouldnt want him to go with work but only because I wouldnt want him to go without me, its our place! He wants me to refuse to go, but I think I could lose my position in the company or be treated differently. People in my family are prone to anxiety disorders manifesting themselves in this way (including me, yay! Heck, immediately post break-up I think its normal for friends to say Yeah, you were right, and they were in the wrong, and youre a heck of a catch and I bet theyre really sorry. Regardless of their private feelings about the truth of those things. Maybe OP married him? Spiking drinks, assault, kidnapping happen in tiny places as well as large places. is a really good sign! ), but accommodating him a bit on that is reasonable, in my book and most importantly, has zero to do with his feeling ownership of me or thinking his wishes trump my work demands, and more to do with just wanting to be sure Im safe. I suppose OP knows her own husband best, theres a chance inviting him along would be an offer of Good Faith to show that theres really nothing all that bad about Sin City. But, sometimes there are letters that just make me want to scream. At first I was shocked, but that was only due to the misconceptions about that place. Ioverheard mymother-in-law say, Did she really have nowhere else togo. Him: Yeah, she does this every couple of months, and it never lasts. Im trying not to bring up the topic for awhile till he meets with a counselor individually or together. What if you could guarantee there wouldnt be any impact on your career either way, and your husband didnt have an opinion either way? $57 foie gras burgers and stuff, just total lunacy. Other National Geographic Family Journeys from G Adventures include bucket-list family vacation destinations like Iceland, Japan, South Africa, Peru, Costa Rica, Morocco, and Vietnam. I stayed once at Palms Place, the long-term stay part of the Palms that is set up like studio apartments with full kitchens. OP this is the kind of thing Id bring up in therapy what you will do and what you will NOT do. Most people just went to Banana Republic and then did some karaoke. (Great people that I wish I could work with.no real role for me in what they do, though.). AP, this is just a wonderful post. You dont get an opinion on whether youre dumped!! After the day ended and we would go out to dinner, he would tell her that he was sure our company wouldnt approve of us going out to dinner on their dime. (Wed been given stipends and told to enjoy a cocktail after the eight-hour training). Many people we know (work, friends, sometimes family) just cant wrap their head around the fact that we dont need to be joined at the hip 24/7 and that were not jealous. Also, if the OP is there for work, chances are shell be in meetings all day and then answering emails in her room at night. Talk with your partner about why hedidnt invite you along onthe trip. Its like some people dont realize that it takes two people to have a relationship. But youre his spouse and in a perfect position to help him understand whats going on and try to help fix it! I couldnt be with someone this domineering and controlling. Right!? It can be challenging to know when to kind of cater to her anxiety (she is able to relax much better if I check the door locks before bed than if she does it, so I do it but never more than once a night), and when to decide that her worry about a particular issue has passed the point where I can be supportive and is just on her to manage (I refuse to provide reassurance for a 7th round of what if this offhand comment I made at work was overheard by the wrong person and totally misinterpreted and I get fired and then I cant find another job and then we lose the house?). Shopping! July 1, 2022 Posted by clients prepaid financial services derbyshire; 01 . And as Alison so deftly explained it, the rest is all a matter of trust within the marriage. ? and his friends being like yeah man, Vegas is a scummy place for scummy people. are there other situations that cause your husband this level of anxiety? From my experience with family members with these issues, I needed to learn how to help create a healing environment at home. Actually, it would be easy for my husband to find someone who shares these views. Probably he is a reasonable person, perhaps he has an anxiety problem. I had half a day free so I went horseback riding in the desert (which was spectacular and I recommend to anyone). On top of everything Allison said, it might work to show him how normal business travel to Las Vegas is. If something was going to happen to you, it could be anywhere. Couples counseling is also useful for people with issues that make them disposed to try to please and/or look from approval from their therapist. Especially as she is the primary breadwinner, shes got to be allowed to do her jobeven if it means travelling to Vegas. I do sympathize with what you are dealing with. They live there with partners and children, even! Yeah, this. Bucks. If you ever felt something was wrong you can tell a bartender, a waiter, a cop, that you need some help. For me, the issues here are 1) input from friends is useful to inform ones own feelings, not make demands of ones partner by committee, and 2) ultimately, the person most affected by the demands is in the best position to make the right judgment call. As a long-time resident of NYC, people who dont live here assume I spend my days constantly in fear of muggings and/or terror attacks, pepper spray at the ready. 4. Nikada / iStock. Has he ever left the house? A city with a lot of hotels and legalized gambling, but it also has residential neighborhoods, malls, schools, etc. Not necessarily. This. When you try to say you wont let me do something, that tells me that you think Im too incompetent to make an appropriate choice on my own, which is really disrespectful. Do please note, even if he does have terrible anxiety or other mental health issues, hes also behaving in a really sexist manner, and being disabled doesnt give you carte-blanche permission to be a jerk. Might I suggest Hotwire? Of course control issues are a possibility. My mom is the same way. Everything he is afraid of is very very unlikely to happen and no more likely to happen in Vegas than any other city. Ive done that before too, and it was invaluable in setting healthy boundaries in a sane, functional manner. My legs were killing me and I my throat was sore :(! When people ask me why, I reply that I dont drink, gamble, or enjoy naked women, so theres little to attract me there aside from some pretty good food, which I can get anywhere. Where I live, they would agree with the husbands position. Like fposte said the husband would only mention his friends opinions if it supported his own.
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